Even when I was a child, I always felt that I had odd behaviors. Now, I'm 36 and I still have problems coping with everyday life. I have learned to watch others and follow along so I won't look out of place, but when I go away from them, it stays in my mind and I wonder if anyone noticed my overreactions. It is very difficult to have this disorder, especially because I feel like I have to keep it so private because no one understands... Not to mention the stigma attached to having any sort of mental illness. I feel like we live in a world of perfectionists. When I have good days, I know that no one is quite perfect and that I'm not the only person who feels that they are not doing everything right. When I have bad days, nothing is good enough. The longer I live, though, the more I realize that I'm not the only person who feels this way, and I wonder why I'm trapped under the label of being schizophrenic at all. Maybe I'm just human like everyone else, insecurities, flaws and all.

I've wondered at times if I have had some symptoms of schiz. I'm now 62. I've always been quite social. I drink too much but I'm not a hard core alcoholic at all. I have always used recreational drugs but not so much now-just a little marijuana two or three times a week-so I wonder if these schizo like experiences at a younger age were the result of excessive drug use. The one schiz. symptom I've had is delusion-maybe three or four of these at the time of using speed, alcohol and marijuana a few times a week. Once my girlfriend (now wife) and I were driving along and we saw this car with fancy lettering on the side and I said to her that it was a sign or message of something to us. Another time a friend and I had been planting marijuana in a space we had cleared in a corn field. While in this space where the surrounding corn was so thick that no large animal like a cow would want to push through it we found cloven hoof tracks all around our plants. The devil! Was what came to mind to me as it wouldn't have been a cow, and as we rode back in the car I said to him "This is how it starts"-implying it's how the force of evil gets into you. Although very social I have always been fearful of being the center of attention. I once saw a psychiatrist after taking LSD (the fear of a bad trip-which I caused by my own thinking) put me into a depression that got quite bad and lasted several weeks. I saw a therapist who got me a scrip for anti-depressants which in two days had me back to normal. The psychiatrist said I was "just a good neurotic". LOL! Yes but extremely painful social events and patterns of behavior! Now I wonder if alcohol all along has been the major cause of my low level of social and career experience. Had there been someone who could have helped me way back I might have had a much better life. I wanted to be a mental health professional and a good musician neither of which were achieved. I'm still working on the piano though.

My 31 year old brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia 10 years ago. He has been on several medications since then. He was in remission for about three years until a couple of years ago when he started refusing to take his medications. He insisted that the medications had too many side-effects and that he was afraid to take them. He started having problems at work, became more verbally aggressive and now he is homeless. We had him committed for treatment many times. My other brother and I could not have him live with us anymore because we are both married have young children and our spouses don't even want him in our homes. Schizophrenia is the worst disease anyone can have: it destroys not only the patient, but the whole family.

As someone whose parent has schizophrenia and whom has it also. I just want to tell you that no matter how hard it may be or how guilty you feel about it, if a family member needs help make that call! I struggled from the age of 10 to help my schizophrenic mum for 6 years I struggled then it got really bad and she ended up in a mental hospital. She's out now has been for four years and she's a thousand times better than she ever was. Fight your fear and bite the bullet it's worth it.

I am in a relationship with a man who suffers with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. He has spent most of his life incarcerated, either in juvenile facilities or prison due to his condition. His diagnosis was made during his 30's...he is now 47...making it impossible to determine when the time of onset began. I don't want to end this relationship, but I live in fear EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.

I am a caregiver for my son who is 30 years old and has schizophrenia. He was quite violent before I finally found the right kind of help for him. I had to go before a judge and have him institutionalized for several weeks and it was the hardest thing I ever did but also the best thing I ever did for him. We still have bad times and good times.

My stepson exhibits some symptoms of schizophrenia: hearing voices, suspiciousness, feeling under constant surveillance, and delusions. He refused to own a TV, saying someone would be watching him from within the set. He also expresses fears before taken shopping that he'd be put in jail or institutionalized. He also carries on long monologues, perhaps hearing voices. He's been taking antidepressants, so depression is possible, though we're weaning him from the drug, concerned about the noxious side effects. His exacerbating symptoms emerged just before puberty.