Slideshow: Healthy Relationships - 18 Secrets Men Want You to Know
Reviewed by Michael W. Smith, MD on Monday, August 08, 2011
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Men Will Talk About Feelings
Was your guy raised as a traditional, stoic, man's man? If so, let WebMD walk you through 18 relationship secrets, gathered from psychologists who study gender roles. Secret No. 1: It may be easier for your man to talk about feelings indirectly. Ask what he'd do during a romantic weekend. Or what he thought the first time he met you. His answers will reveal how he feels and bring you closer.
Men Say "I Love You" With Actions
Some men prefer to express their feelings through actions rather than words. Your guy may say "I love you" by fixing things around the house, tidying up the yard, or even taking out the trash -- anything that makes your world a better place.
Men Take Commitment Seriously
Men have a reputation for being afraid to commit. But the evidence suggests men take marriage seriously. They may take longer to commit because they want to make sure they are onboard for good. In a survey of currently married men, 90% say they would marry the same woman again.
He Really Is Listening
When you're listening to someone talk, you probably pipe in with a "yes" or "I see" every now and then. It's your way of saying, "I'm listening." But some guys don't do this. Just because a man isn't saying anything doesn't mean he's not listening. He may prefer to listen quietly and think about what you're saying.
Shared Activities Form Bonds
Men strengthen their relationships primarily through shared activities more than by sharing thoughts or feelings. For many men, activities like sports and sex make them feel closer to their partner.
Men Need Time for Themselves
While shared activities are important, men also need time for themselves. Whether your guy enjoys golf, gardening, or working out at the gym, encourage him to pursue his hobbies, while you make time for your own. When both partners have space to nurture their individuality, they have more to give to each other.
Men Learn From Their Fathers
If you want to know how a man will act in a relationship, get to know his dad. Some say men learn about their relationship role by watching and listening to their fathers. How they are with each other and how the father relates to the mother can predict how a man will relate to his wife.
Men Let Go Faster Than Women
Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly. So while you may still want to talk about last night's argument, your guy may have already forgotten about it.
Men Don't Pick Up on Subtle Cues
Men are more likely to miss subtle signals like tone of voice or facial expressions. And they are especially likely to miss sadness on a woman's face. If you want to make sure your guy gets the message, be direct.
Men Respond to Appreciation
Showing appreciation for your guy can make a big difference in the way he acts. Take parenting. Studies show that fathers are more involved in care-giving when their wives value their involvement and see them as competent.
Men Think About Sex ... A Lot
OK, so maybe this one is no secret. The majority of men under age 60 think about sex at least once a day, compared with only a quarter of women. And that's not all. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do, and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do. But thinking is not the same as doing.
Men Find Sex Significant
It's a myth that most men think sex is just sex. For many, sex is a very important act between two committed people. And just like most women, men find sexual intimacy to be most satisfying in the context of a committed relationship. One reason is that long-term partners know how to please one another better than strangers do.
He Likes It When You Initiate Sex
Most guys feel as though they're the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued and wish their partner would take the lead more often. Don't be shy about letting your guy know you're in the mood. Initiating sex some of the time may lead to a higher level of satisfaction for both of you.
Guys Aren't Always Up for Sex
Men, much to many women's surprise, aren't always in the mood for sex. Just like women, men are often stressed by the demands of work, family, and paying the bills. And stress is a big libido crusher. When a guy says, "not tonight," it doesn't mean he's lost interest in you. He just means he doesn't want to have sex right then.
Men Like Pleasing Their Partner
Your pleasure is important to your man. But he won't know what you want unless you tell him. Too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don't like. If you can tell him clearly in a way that doesn't bruise his ego, he'll listen. Because he knows he'll feel good if you feel good.
Guys Get Performance Anxiety
Most men get performance anxiety on occasion, especially as they age. Your guy may worry about his physique, technique, and stamina. If you can help him learn to relax and stay focused on the pleasures of the moment, sex will become less stressful.
Men May Stray When Needs Aren't Met
If a man doesn't feel loved and appreciated in his relationship, he may turn elsewhere for satisfaction. For one man, that may mean burying himself in work. Another may develop a fixation on sports or video games. And some men cheat. To avoid this, partners need to work together to meet each other's needs.
He's Vested in You
Most men realize there's a lot to lose if a long-term relationship goes sour -- not just each other's company, but the entire life you've built together. If you're willing to work to strengthen your marriage, chances are your man will be, too.
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